Choosing Your “Hard”: My Lifelong Battle With Food

Showing up — even when it’s hard.

I have been fighting a war with food for as long as I can remember. It has been my comfort, my reward, my celebration—and sometimes my enemy.

If you’ve ever felt like your relationship with what’s on your plate is complicated, messy, and deeply emotional, then pull up a chair. You are not alone.

We often hear about how difficult it is to stay healthy. We talk about the discipline it takes to meal prep on a Sunday when you’d rather be watching Netflix. We talk about the sheer willpower required to wake up at 5 a.m. for a workout when it’s cold and dark outside.

And yes — all of that is hard. It requires sacrifice and consistency that doesn’t always come naturally.

But here is the other side of that coin — the side we don’t talk about as openly:

Being overweight is hard too — in ways we often never talk about.

Feeling exhausted before the day has even really started is hard.

Walking up a flight of stairs and feeling winded is hard.

Looking in the mirror and not recognising the person staring back at you — because their spark is buried under layers of fatigue and self-doubt — that is incredibly hard.

It’s an old saying, but it rings true for me right now:

Choose your hard.

I am standing at that crossroads again. I am choosing the hard work of getting healthy — because the hard work of being unhealthy has become too heavy to carry.

The Voices in the Fridge

One of my biggest struggles isn’t just hunger — it’s the noise. We call it food talk. That relentless mental chatter that starts the moment there’s something tempting in the house.

If there is cake in the fridge, I swear it has a voice.

It calls to me while I’m watching TV. It whispers while I’m trying to read a book.

“Eat me. Eat me. You know you want to. Just a little slice. It’ll make you feel better.”

Ignoring that voice is exhausting.

And more often than not, I give in. I listen to the voice. I eat the cake.

And here’s the kicker — it never tastes as good as I think it will. The anticipation is always better than the reality. As soon as the last bite is gone, the food talk is replaced by something much darker.

Regret. Then self-criticism.

“Why did you do that? You have no willpower. You’ve ruined your healthy eating plan — again.”

It’s a vicious cycle of craving, caving, and criticising. A loop I’ve been stuck in for decades.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

I am a classic emotional eater. I don’t just eat when I’m hungry — I eat to match the rhythm of my life.

I’m a happy eater — let’s celebrate with food.

I’m a sad eater — I need comfort, where’s the chocolate?

I’m a stressed eater — I can’t handle this pressure, I need a snack.

I’m a scared eater — the world feels unsafe, but this food feels secure.

And then there are the truly dark moments. The ones that knock the wind out of you.

Being told your husband has three months to live?

Eat. Eat. Eat.

When grief is that big, the hole you’re trying to fill feels bottomless. Food becomes the only anaesthetic that seems to work — even if only briefly. This isn’t about being gluttonous or lazy. It’s about trying to cope with a human experience that feels too big to hold on your own.

But the outcome is always the same. The emotions remain when the food is gone — and now they’re joined by the physical weight of how I've been coping.

Facing the Scale

Moving forward — imperfectly, but on purpose.

So here I am again. I’ve gained 10 –12 kilograms in the last 18 months.

That number stings — but it’s just data. It tells me where I am, not who I am.

The difference this time is my mindset.

I’m not approaching this with shame. I’m approaching it with strategy and self-compassion.

I know myself better now. I know my triggers. And most importantly, I know I can’t rely on willpower alone.

I need rules.

I need boundaries.

I need to protect myself from the food talk.

Choosing My Hard: Small Wins, Big Changes

If I want to win this, I have to change the environment.

Over the past year, cookies became my kryptonite. This wasn’t a “one with tea” situation — it was a compulsion. So I made a hard rule:

They cannot be in my house.

If they aren't in the house, they can't talk to me. It sounds simple, but admitting I can’t moderate them right now was a huge step for me.

I’ve also recommitted to moving my body — not as punishment for what I’ve eaten, but as a celebration of what my body can do.

I made myself a non-negotiable promise:

10,000 steps a day. No excuses. No negotiations.

And honestly? It feels amazing.

Every time I hit that step goal, I’m casting a vote for the person I want to be. I’m proving to myself that I can keep promises to myself.

Ready to Start Again

I wanted to share this because social media makes it easy to believe everyone else has it figured out. We see the after photos — but rarely the messy, emotional, cookie-craving before and during.

This is my "during".

I’m not at my goal weight yet. The fridge still talks to me. Emotions still try to steer me toward the pantry. But I’m back in the driver’s seat. I feel positive. I feel ready. I am choosing the hard work of health because I deserve to feel vibrant, energetic, and alive.

If you’re struggling today — if you feel like you’ve failed because you ate the cake or skipped the gym — please be kind to yourself. You haven’t failed. You’re human.

You can restart right now.

Not tomorrow.

Not Monday.

Right now.

Let’s choose our hard together.

Let’s choose the path that leads to life.

Being unhealthy is hard. Getting healthy is hard. We don't get to avoid hard—we only get to choose which hard is worth living with. Today, I know which hard I'm choosing.

🌿 Before You Go...

Thank you for taking the time to read this week's blog.

Every Saturday at 8:00 am (AEST), I share a new story here at Chooky Chasing Life—whether that's running, travel, life's challenges, our cancer journey, or simply choosing life one step at a time.

If you'd like to follow along, subscribe to Chooky Chasing Life and I'll see you next Saturday.

Until next Saturday... Keep Chasing Life. 💚

— Chooky x

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